sex work 

sometimes i miss sex work because i don't like myself enough to buy myself underwear when they wear out, and having people buy it for me off a wishlist was a way of avoiding that

hot tip for mental health professionals: you can just call it therapy or counselling, or even help. 'support' doesn't actually mean anything

therapy, sexual violence 

glad i get a discount on talking to this person, super stoked that all it took was getting assaulted, giving the government a play-by-play for means testing and going through like 4 different intakes that all didn't work out. that i don't have the strength to try and get better help and will waste my cheap sessions on this person

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not to be a downer, therapy 

i have zero faith in this therapist at this point. all she does is go 'mhmmmmmmmmmm' over the phone and ask 'what does that part of you need from you right now?' as if that's a useful question. am i supposed to break down and suddenly realize what i Needed All Along was to forgive myself? or be kind to myself? literally just tell me when the session's done, instead of 'what would feel like a good way of closing today?'

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"To let things slide for the sake of friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because he is an old acquaintance, a fellow townsman, a close friend, a loved one, an old colleague or old subordinate. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going into it thoroughly, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the organization and the individual are harmed. This is one type of liberalism."

-Mao Zedong

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when the astral bodies of good outfit, face covered, and nondescript location align, i will post pics of myself looking hot on main

medication 

i took my sleeping pill an hour early last night so i got loopy before going to bed. i went into a weird place thinking about god and abraham's daughter and there's not much more to say than that it was weird

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do you ever just think about how adults spread anti-kid propaganda casually everywhere that kids exist? i remember posters in my high school mocking teenagers with phrases like "Quick! Move out while you still know everything!" and yeah in one regard, i remember being 15 and thinking i knew more than i really did but on the other hand, its used to silence the voices of kids who do have legitimate complaints about adults wrt abuse, the ever distant goal posts of education, autonomy, and it impacts us well into adult hood.

we're really just casually okay with making sure kids have zero respect as humans.

looking at something i wrote which was published and damn, i was in a different headspace at the time

something i would like to read is transfem writing about the weird 'yas queen' thing cis women do to transfems, like they're drag queens. because it's a pattern.

pls recommend things in that vein if you've come across it :blacktransfox:

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no offense but "Noah Fence" sounds like an excellent drag king name to me

why can't i redact things inside my head

kellyanne conway thing, CSA, child abuse 

this never happened to me, but a lot of my friends had their bedroom doors taken off when they got into conflict with their parents. the argument was 'your right to privacy will be returned when the disruption stops'. this obviously has huge implications for people's sexual development/boundaries as teenagers, and what Conway did is fairly consistent with that parental logic. it just so happens that she's famous - and particularly evil.

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kellyanne conway thing, CSA 

reminds me a lot of how uniforms are used as a means of gender discipline. you HAVE to wear this uniform even though it's impractical and men will target you, and YOU are responsible for not being targeted by men or classmates. disruption will be punished with a highly visible degradation (the giant t shirt), which tells everyone you are a slut.

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kellyanne conway thing, CSA 

when the highly visible ghouls do something cartoonishly awful, it's a useful roadmap to the motivations behind the less-visible, 'not that bad' abuses we experience from abusive family.
this woman has a disruption inside her own home, while trying to be the face of control. this disruption is embodied inside a teenage girl, so she punished her, publicly, with her own body, as is fitting for any 'woman' who gets too uppity.

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