Fav this post if you want me to write you a smutty villanelle for Valentine's Day. (and, optionally, reply to either seed or constrain my imagination, like, I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable by being accidentally *too* smutty, also if I don't know you I need something to go on or it's not fun.)

No promises for how many I'll be able to write though.

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Hey what do kids these days use for taking & storing dirty pics on Android?

My main concern is keeping them out of the gallery, so people who might idly swipe for for more pictures of my cat don't get shocked. And if I have to manually move things to a different folder after taking/editing them, I will 100% forget to do that, so that all needs to happen inside of the sekrit context.

Trying Vaulty now but the editing is broken.

I have 3 avocados in my kitchen and they're hard as rocks.

Which sounds like I'm posting to the wrong alt until you say it in a Chuck Tingle voice.

good place fanfic porn idea, cbt kink 

I want to see the porn where the penis smashing demon from the bad place gets assigned to a heavy cbt bottom, and they take a while to figure out what's going on but then they fall in love.

What fruit is the best innuendo for vulvas/vaginas?

Why isn't there penis-shaped cereal?

Like alpha bits. But with dicks. And cookie crisp boobs. Sold as adult novelties for your post bachelorette party hangover breakfast.

Capitalism can't even succeed on its own terms.

Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo
Lupi pathice et cineade lupi

Usually I'm glad to avoid the fediverse Discourse (tm) but today it's about tentacle dicks? What is going on, can somebody (as I said to the tentacle dicks) please fill me in?

look we're all thinking it im just saying it: pie is better than cake

Retweeted @OhPoorPup@twitter.com:

tired: locked accounts full of nudes and flirting
wired: locked accounts full of flying toasters

I work in a medical setting and we talk a lot about restraining patients. (Sometimes they're restrained because they're violent, but also, think of the human toddler equivalent of a cone of shame.)

T/F: Coworkers who make frequent casual jokes about tying up children must be vanilla, because if they were kinky they'd be a lot more cautious with the subject matter.

Dear everyone please make sure you've got a hieroglyphic font installed, that unicode block has some super important emoji in it.


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A silly instance of Mastodon for queer folk and non-queer folk alike. Let's be friends!