elilla @elilla@queer.party

hello comrades!♡ I’m a Brazilian trans woman living in Germany 💕

Intend to post: selfies; trans issues; reviews of books I’m reading (mostly fantasy); comments on comic books; agitprop.

I like linux, nail polish, revolution, linguistics, made-up languages, makeup, antifa, calligraphy, #bujo, intersectional veganism &c.

My account about linguistics & academia is @melissaboiko

#introductions #introduction #germany #bochum #nrw #linguistics #transgender #vegan #selfies #mtf

when an otherwise supportive relative says of a baby "he's just like you, everybody says he's like {deadname}".

and then later the same person posts a photo captioned "may the Creator help our little hero become a great man."

am I just being hypersensitive in feeling this bad.

now I’m getting highly speculative, please don’t take this seriously:

T used to give a more direct drive ­– spontaneous/morning erections, orgasm urgency, seeking visual stimulation etc.

P, by contrast, seems to increase the rate I imaginatively daydream of snuggly situations, crave being touched, roll on bed etc.

this might be a function of time in transition – growing more understanding of the needs of new body – rather than the 'mones per se.

caveats:

- since T is symbolically 'male' and P 'female', this has a good chance of being purely psychological; a reflection of my mental comfort.

- my T was down to 30ng/dL before starting P – maybe fully blocked but for adrenal production. If the nuke effect of cypro is already strong enough, P wouldn’t make a difference re: T-levels anyway.

* However, when I had 50ng/dL (the 'top recommended range' for women) I still had less libido than with P.

testosterone is said to drive up libido.

the effect of progesterone on libido is controversial in cis studies. anecdotal reports of transfeminine ppl often claim it drives up libido.

P is also a T blocker.

I cycle P on moon phases: I take double dose on full moons and nothing on new. that means I should have higher T on 🌚, & higher P on 🌝.

My one data point would be that P seems better for libido (if you’re already on a T blocker at least).

#mtf #hrt #transgender

orchi pros:
- much less invasive, still fixes hormones
- I’d be ok with more surgeons → less need to travel, less waiting in queues
- money for grs is a big problem
- I can later decide to go from orchi to grs; but not the other way around
- visibly trans bodies are cool
- atrophy = cute
- muffing easier?
- not fitting into cisnormative society

#transgender #mtf #orchiectomy #grs

orchi cons:

- harder to insure
- possibly makes grs harder (but how much really?)
- possibly loss of sexual function (but I doubt it changes much from cypro)
- libido should be the same for orchi & grs?
- miss on the gender euphoria having of vagina
- harder to wear tight clothes (tho tucking is easier)
- can’t public nudity
- risk of violence in Brazil especially
- not fitting into cisnormative society

Uff. Das sieht nicht gut aus.

https://www.reddit.com/r/germantrans/comments/ezkj43/kosten_einer_privaten_ochiektomie/

after looking at thread I'm getting anxiety just from *thinking* of dealing with the KK/doctors about this…

leaning towards ‘get an orchi asap, decide later’. experience reports re: orchi seem fine to me.

only question is whether it affects grs negatively. some surgeons say yes, some no. guess I should ask the local surgeon, maybe it depends on method?

then I have to figure out what kind, where, and how to German insurance it...

"sword lesbians "
"goth gf "
"I hate to admit it but there’s something kinda cool about Warhammer 40k if only it wasn’t so masc "

thinking about how Gideon the Ninth is an elaboration of these universally acknowledged feelings.

#literature #fantasy #gideontheninth #scifi

ofc if you want to marry and cultivate a nuclear family in the privacy of your apartment all the power to you, I’m not judging. People have different needs.

But that line, "you can never be like them"? She’s talking directly to people like me, & it’s honestly one of the most comforting and liberating lines I’ve read in my entire slog through this world.

after being exposed to some right-wing LGBT influencer transmed assimilationist venom on birdhell, I felt the need to purge my synapses with Sylvia Rivera.

fans of the « Broken Earth » trilogy (by which I ofc mean everybody who has read the « Broken Earth » trilogy) will enjoy an early version of the setting. The mechanics of orogeny have changed (for the better) since the short story, but it was especially cool to revisit Ykka – as captivating as always and already hard at work at the same kind of community-building.

#literature #review #brokenearth #fantasy #blackhistorymonth

my lil heart carries at least as many special peoples as bootleg NES Mortal Kombat, & the Buddha can try to pry my loves(+attendant worries) from my cold, finely manicured dead hands.

got a fortune cookie that said:

One with 50 loves has 50 worries.
One with no loves has no worries.
—The Buddha

Well after this ~incredibly~ personal & targeted burn I can only say: watch me, Buddha.