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lewd, parody ad 

This toot is sponsored by sluttily, the free online & offline flirting strategy.

Millions behave sluttily to communicate their desires clearly & effectively.

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trans star wars 

“only a cis deals in absolutes!”

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sex woes 

@lamb anal should not hurt unless you want it to. If it does, someone is doing it wrong. Before I penetrate a new inexperienced partner, I always make sure I can fit at least 3 well-lubed fingers into their hole without discomfort.

I usually start foreplay with one finger & apply ridiculous amounts of silicon-based lube, which stays slippery way longer than water-based lube. My rule of thumb is: If you think it is enough lube … use more lube!

Good anal should not cause any pain ever! ♥

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lewd, confession 

I just joined yesterday and already I had nice interactions with cute, lewd, delightfully queer people than elsewhere!

tbh I came for the noodz, but I'll definitely stay for the :rainblob:

genitals, shitpost 

applying hqx scaling to my dick and balls so they feel smoother

by which I mean a bit less edgy

downscaling my dick and balls to Full HD and 24 fps after getting some feedback from yer mum

I think getting really invested in your laptop stickers is good because it incentivizes repairs and generally wanting to make your device last longer

physical (+) 

walking everywhere for like 10 years has given me frankly surprising stamina. i have hot pseudo abs and a 1 metre reach. can clean a ceiling without tiptoeing. what weird shit do you like about your body?

punk, 1990: wearing a dog/slave collar
punk, 2020: not wearing a bag on your head

someone at the grocery store told me to "have a great weekend"

I fired that straight back, because I was in a good mood and figured I was temporally disoriented

anyway it's Tuesday

@mottenmaedchen you look so confident that my desire to become a cute goth girl would prob be stronger than the desire to hook up with one if I met you IRL lol

It has reached a point where i should not fart anymore. I dont think the next one is gonna be a fart.

i wanna be 18
please time go faster
only in this aspect though

having spent two hours so far dealing with government paperwork I am considering becoming [REDACTED] and doing [REDACTED] (in Minecraft)

I only listen to podcasts at 1.74x speed, as Norman Podcast intended

*on a date*
"umm yeah idk how to say this; i don't know if your glasses were really necessary for your character design... seems kinda overloaded you know.. ://"

"i need these to see"

"yeah i know the lore explanation but still :/"

Don't forget to leave out milk and cookies for Bush on 9/11 eve

dorohedoro, lewd if taken out of context 

wtc this shirt???

checking with the tree of life real quick to find out how many pints are in a cup just American things

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Queer Party!

A silly instance of Mastodon for queer folk and non-queer folk alike. Let's be friends!