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I am NEVER going to install an EXPERIMENTAL patch for the so-called LOG4SHELL vulnerability

the LONG-TERM EFFECTS of fixing the bug are NOT KNOWN to anyone

I know computers that fight off a malware infection do develop a NATURAL IMMUNITY to exploits

software vendors FORCING users to PATCH violates their civil rights

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lewd, parody ad 

This toot is sponsored by sluttily, the free online & offline flirting strategy.

Millions behave sluttily to communicate their desires clearly & effectively.

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trans star wars 

“only a cis deals in absolutes!”

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sex woes 

@lamb anal should not hurt unless you want it to. If it does, someone is doing it wrong. Before I penetrate a new inexperienced partner, I always make sure I can fit at least 3 well-lubed fingers into their hole without discomfort.

I usually start foreplay with one finger & apply ridiculous amounts of silicon-based lube, which stays slippery way longer than water-based lube. My rule of thumb is: If you think it is enough lube … use more lube!

Good anal should not cause any pain ever! ♥

the endless cycle of closing fedi to open fedi immediately after

cool. train just randomly stopped where it wasnt supposed to, changed numbers and went the other way. no announcement, no update in db navigator. it still says that that exact train is going to one city when its actually going to another

me: i have two (2) things i need to do
my brain: i will simply go into waiting mode and initiate neither of the two (2) tasks

I go into the Puyo Puyo tag on AO3, which is filled with smut. "This isn't at all what I wanted," I say, "Why aren't there any cute, wholesome adventures?" I then proceed to write and upload my own Puyo Puyo porn, which also goes unread—

markov chain generated toot 

oof I'll try that!

ich möchte, dass männer mich in der öffentlichkeit immer so verstört anschauen, wie der typ gerade an der kreuzung, nachdem er gecheckt hat, dass in dem sixpack das ich in der hand hab heineken alkoholfrei ist.

[David Attenborough Reads Every Single Warhammer Rulebook ASMR]

For some reason I'm unbelievably bad at following administrative procedures when the people I'm interacting with aren't straightforward about the steps I have to take

bin fassungslos wenn leute die selbst betroffene von dv oder sa sind behaupten, dass ein gerichtsurteil beweis dafür sei, welche seite gelogen hat.

und sich dann im nächsten atemzug beschweren, dass "echten" betroffenen nicht geglaubt wird.

writing 

one of the few elements of my old writing that I really enjoyed was a plot twist where a girl in a flashback and a person of ambiguous gender in the present turned out to be the same person, because as it turns out, five to ten years is plenty of time for self-discovery

it's sleepyphobic that museums always close at 5pm

"You have reached your 250mb roaming limit, we'll throttle your internet plan from 20kb/s to 18kb/s"

Huh, okay.

algorithmically generated post 

@chemelia :o what gayming are you okay agatha beep!!

munchen burger king update 

remember when last time the self checkout menu crashed if you ordered a salad

now the self checkout screens are just Gone

markov chain generated toot 

doing things is scary

agatha gay 

cant wait to kiss my food^W girlfriends again
i will not bite :)

wtf the guy at the ukrainian consulate looks like jerma irl

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A silly instance of Mastodon for queer folk and non-queer folk alike. Let's be friends!