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Another story from your's truly.

This one is a little bit stranger than my previous pieces and can best be described as surreal horror. If you like strange little horror stories, please give it a read.

if you’re considering leaving something weird and inappropriately sexual in someone’s mentions: don’t

Satan kindly requests millennials stop trying to sell their souls to end global warming.

"Sell your soul for evil purposes!" The Dark Prince told our reporters from his infernal pit. "Rupert Murdoch sold his soul for a twenty, and these fucking kids want to save the planet! Fuckers."

death, cancer, pissy privileged immortals 

it's simply fucking magic to me that there is an arts and crafts masterpiece in a soaked lonely field in the usk valley. yes, yes craft & simplicity & medievalism but this is stuff is sort of radical & proto-modern. it's sgraffito which is a technique of carving back layers of coloured plaster completed in 1888. wig flexing stuff

Termites live indoors. I mean, more often infloors and inwalls, but also indoors

Hey kids, want some eye cancer? Open and look at this... 

Housemate: OH my God! The dog has a book! They're tearing it apart.

Me: Get it off them!

Housemate: I'm gonna, come her- Oh, oh its Fifty Shades. Good dog.

"are you amab or afab ?"

"i'm ahab and i'm gonna kill this fucking whale"

"yasss slay queen" i hiss at you encouragingly, handing you a gun and a map of buckingham palace


Women with facial hair are braver than the troops.

you will want to block me if you open this, i am fucking warning you pal don't do it. please 

Progress is never permanent, will always be threatened, must be redoubled, restated, and reimagined if it is to survive. - Zadie Smith

vampire kink 

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Mediocre Guy at the pub: If you're after a hot bloke who will take you on adventures and change your world, I'm not that guy

But of you're after a nice, dependable man who will always love and support you,

I'm also not that guy.

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Queer Party!

A silly instance of Mastodon for queer folk and non-queer folk alike. Let's be friends!