Two players are having a discussion about religion at the poker table and it’s making my ears bleed.

If saying “straight people are weird” and referencing “my girlfriend” in stories doesn’t clue straight people in to my queerness, then I must now regretfully inform you all that no amount of queer flagging is ever going to keep the straights away. 😔

Learned this one the annoying way at the casino last night. 😂

Rolling my eyes while I think about the future media response to Kissinger’s death.

anyway this bit has been a long time coming, and thank you to everyone who helped make this happen. may i present to you: the hamburger lingerie 🍔💖🍔💖🍔

(cw: pictures of triz in hamburger lingerie)

This makes me want to do the same with clips of my child talking about random subjects.

“[Audrey’s Child] shoots on Pandas.”

“Bamboo is really holding back Pandas. They have the stomachs that are better for digesting meat, and if they were carnivores they would be more successful. They probably wouldn’t be endangered because they would actually breed, and not spend their entire day eating.”

I have yet to receive a response from the Pandas.

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In pro wrestling there is this trope of wrestlers appearing on 3rd party media and giving candid interviews about how they really feel about a person or a topic. This is known as a “shoot.” So you will often see YouTube videos that feature clips of these interviews with headlines like “[X] wrestler shoots on Hulk Hogan being a racist scumbag.”

It’s hilarious to me that as we continue to sit in the midst of a global pandemic we have “business leaders” who are still confused as to why they have a labor shortage across most industries.

When I turn 40 in February, 5% of my life will have been lived during this pandemic.

I challenge anyone to watch this episode of “Dark Side of the Ring” about closeted gay wrestler Chris Kanyon and not bawl your eyes out.

It’s a really good reminder about how important it is to love yourself, because peace and happiness can’t ever follow without that.

I made a gay friend at the poker table last night when we compared the Pride decorations on our cell phones.

Coming out as a slut today.

*someone whispers in my ear*

Oh, well apparently that’s not news.

Poker Tip/long story 

Addendum to this:

Now when I see people make this mistake I sing a little song in my head to the tune of “If you’re happy and you know it.”

🎶The only hand that calls has you beat 👏👏 🎶

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Poker Tip/long story 

Sometimes you just have a hand that’s in between—a bet won’t make a better hand fold, and it won’t get called by worse.

So you check.

Steve should have checked.


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Poker Tip/long story 

I recall Steve really not understanding this concept, even after this explanation, but it stuck with me, and every session I see players make this same mistake.

When all the cards are out and you make a bet that isn’t a bluff, it’s not enough to have the best hand—you need to have the best hand *when someone calls the bet*—and you need to be best more than 50% of the time.


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Poker Tip/long story 

Steve was incredulous at this comment and said “Why not?! I had the best hand!”

“That is a *calling* hand,” Bobby said with emphasis.

“What? No, it was the best hand and I can bet it.”

“No, Steve you can’t bet it, because what worse hand is going to call you? If someone bets you can call because you can beat a bluff, but that’s it.”


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Poker Tip/long story 

His name was Steve and he was a typical 20 something bro. He was every guy you knew in the mid-00’s. He wasn’t a tool to the level of wearing a Von Dutch shirt, but was he close.

Anyway, we’re playing 2-4 Limit Hold ‘em and he bets the River and everyone folds.

He turns over his hand and says “see I had it.”

Bobby, who was dealing, looks at him and says, “you can’t bet that there.”Meaning that betting is incorrect, not that it was against the rules.


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Poker Tip/long story 

The game was in the basement of a motorcycle repair shop, and run by a middle-aged guy named Bobby—who was a real character in his own right, and deserving of a separate thread later. Everything about the place screamed “sketchy” but after the first time I went, I acclimated to the creepiness of it all.

Most of the other players in the game were people he knew from AA and some other younger folks who were getting into poker, and this story involves the latter.


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Poker Tip/long story 

I can’t tell you how often I think about the time I learned one of the most fundamental concepts in poker. It comes into my brain so often because I still see people who don’t understand this concept 17 years after I first learned it.

Back in 2004, I got really into poker. I was 22 years old and living in Alexandria, VA and going to an underground poker game every night that I wasn’t working—and sometimes I even went after my shift.


Does this mean I am bisexual—I date Butches *and* Femmes.

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