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trying to amass my ideas in one place. i'm going to have fun choosing the next project, once i finish something, anything at all :' already combining bookbinding with a continuation of the tarot de luz study, and digital collage with the oracle idea

three different readings tonight and i keep getting the ace of cups...

it's making me think about how i find myself repeatedly joking to myself or in conversations how maybe next year i'll do a year of self-care or self-compassion. maybe it's actually not that incompatible with my current plan... sure i focused a lot on objects i've been neglecting, but the idea was to heal my relationship to physical reality and the body is central to that. it's not just "surroundings" and "things"... hmmm

i cannot for the life of me focus today. all i've done was get groceries and eat donuts. and listen to a breakdown of the new dad spears bs. shoulders seem better tho

pain :/ 

my shoulders hurt to the point of not being able to even type very much :| just as i was getting into adding my own thoughts into the margarete petersen tarot booklet. nine cards will have to be ok for today.

kind of bothered about having to be completely passive for the rest of the day. hot shower and 2 massages didn't help much. i'll warm it all up with the herbal balm thing and maybe pop a painkiller? :<

what do you do when you can't do? (i can't just listen/watch w/o also doing)

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I am living as if the world is conspiring to delight me

week 3 update on no special thoughts, just shuffling projects around

also updated the running list of ideas

although when i hear/think "we're drifting apart" i tend to think it's a kind of mutual process, both drawing away, not tending to the relationship. whereas what i usually experience is my levels of engagement remain steady, and it's the other side that kind of drifts away. like. one person can't hold together a relationship. i need to recognize better where i'm doing too much unnecessary work

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also isn't it wild how inaccurate our estimation of what role we play in others' lives is?? like... i expect/secretly hope that my friends feel the same way about me as i do about them, and it's wonky at the beginning of knowing someone - where do we stand with each other? what is this going to be? - but i thought i was better about it with my long-term friends and acquaintances. or maybe it's just me not dealing well with natural change?

actually, as meh as i was about the yarn color it actually fucks?? cards look really good laid out on it, i think better even than on the red, maybe because it's more muted and natural, lets them shine

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"Disabled people are not disposable. We are your feared present and your inevitable future. We are what age and time promise more than anything else, and this is one reason you fear us and why you have continually pushed us away and hidden us. You don’t want us too close, don’t want a daily reminder of difference and privilege; you don’t want to have to change your life for us."

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so this throwaway scrap of paper that doesn't threaten me with keeping a record of my failures forever is kind of working for me so far! ✌️

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i have trouble keeping on top of even basic tasks that fall a little outside my comfortable set up routines. i've had some sort of planner for years and years with varying levels of success. i need to write things down to remember, but the more i write down the more pressured i feel? even if it's tiny tasks that would take an hour total, seeing a whole official list paralyzes me.

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i think i figured out a productivity hack for myself. i've started keeping an "unofficial" to-do list on a scrap piece of paper. i don't divide it into days of the week or anything, it's just a running list, day-specific tasks mixed in with more flexible ones, or "would be good to do one day" items. it lives next to the daily journal on my reading table/desk. and a surprising percentage of it gets done without much fuss.

depth year continues, i'm recording the current decks on my shelves, post-crisis-number-1

bit of pandemic talk 

i have successfully made all the phone calls! and it's not even noon 💪 😤 we might be able to register for a booster this month after all

(but do you want to trek across town and expose yourself to the overcrowded public transport if your regular daily life exposure only involves getting groceries twice a week and sitting at home otherwise..? maybe it's best to wait for the current spike in cases to settle down a bit??)

finished knitting the second tarot reading cloth! (it's curling 😔 ) with that and retiring racist and/or gimmicky decks i really need to update my running projects list. right after i do a write-up of the Tarot Crisis Consequences. gods, maybe tomorrow

beautiful pastel moonrise today 😍

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