personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

I've been thinking a lot about how the larger political conversation has shifted so quickly already. How demands to stop killing Black people have morphed into calls for greater diversity and inclusion and representation into the same systems that are responsible for our continued deaths in all its forms.

personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

Ive been on a loop thinking about the two young Black women who were killed in London and how the police took photos with their bodies and then shared those photos in WhatsApp group chats.

The layers of violence are so many. The horror is so deep.

What could justice even look like for these two young women.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

How this is a reality, yet people get up in arms when you mention Black or anti-Blackness or even suggest that there are specificities to the violence we face.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

And I'm thinking about the young woman who was set on fire in Madison, WI just this week.

And how Rem'mie Fells' body was found.

And the conditions under which Tony McDade anticipated his death.

And Breonna Taylor sleeping in what should have been the comfort of her own home.

And Na'Kia Crawford who was killed while running errands with her grandma.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

And Oluwatoyin Salau who should have been loved and cared for by her family and offered safety and support by her community.

And Aiyanna Stanley Jones and Tamir Rice who should both be turning 18 this year.

And all the young people in Chicago who should be celebrating the start of summer vacation but instead are having to fight against the city board of ed to be able to go to school and learn in safety.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

And all the names of people I could list and the names I can't because I don't know them.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

I do not want to be overwhelmed by it all but the sheer vastness is a lot to deal with.

And it still feels so niche to talk about anti-Blackness and what it would take to end it, even while Blackness and anti-Blackness are hypervisible and everyone is clamouring to capitalise on our deaths and the spectacle that surrounds our deaths and our lives.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

I journal about this all the time. It never feels like enough.

I can tell the increasing toll it is taking on my body my mind and my spirit and that of my friends and wider community.

I don't feel despair though I can see how I could get there and I understand others who do.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

After the chi ed board vote yesterday my friend was like I don't need hope to fight, rage is enough.

That's all I've felt for the last 3 months.

Pure rage. I don't know that I've ever felt it this deep this continuous before.

Another friend said something similar when this round of uprisings started and he said he was scared of the feeling. Of what if would lead to.

That's also sat with me.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

Idk where I'm going with this. I'm gonna go journal even tho it feels like every day I'm journaling about the same things cuz my brain is just in a loop. Even when I do manage to distract myself for an hour or so it's not *really* a distraction.

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personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

Listening to really meta theoretical stuff has been the only thing that's "helped". It's not a distraction, but being reminded there are others who understand the depths of anti-Blackness does offer some consolation.

personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

I really worry about my TL here and on birdland becoming or feeling like a graveyard or memorial of sorts. Even if it is a somewhat reflection of my brain. I want to remember and honour without feeling like all I share is really depressing info.

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re: personal reflections that include mention of anti-Blackness and horrible violence 

@marxxndotphoenix I think we've been holding it in too long; letting it out regularly is a normal function, but our media has made us feel isolated in our feelings to the point where we just hold it in forever. No matter how grief-filled our timelines and our protests are, it's SOOO necessary to compensate for the years of silence and feeling isolated. It's the only way through to the other side, I feel.

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