Jim Bean @jamesbeanmachine@queer.party

#introduction
I'm a 29 years old cis man. Demisexual and demiromantic crybaby. Had a tough break up with my boyfriend this past summer. With all the chaos happening on #Tumblr this december, a certain blogger recommended queer.party, so I came to hang out. I like #games! I played a lot of video games growing up, but would like to get more in to table top gaming. I like RPGs, minis, cards and board games alike.

Now I'm thinking about him and bawling, which probably means that I'm in for a sleepless night ⛈️

(that's not to say no one may respond. if I said anything problematic it's fine to call me out on it and have a talk about how we should do fat discourse, just don't tell me what to eat or how to exercise etc. kindness is welcome, too!)

THIS THREAD WILL BE JUDGMENT FREE
So, I don't care what the scales show me, or how large the circumference of my waist measures. My only body goal is to be able to run 10km without stopping, for which I need to increase my core strength. When I can do that, I won't care how heavy, or fat I am. Because fat people can be awesome, too. [/end thread]

THIS THREAD WILL BE JUDGMENT FREE
In this time, I haven't talked to anyone about my body shape or weight. The only people who start that kind of conversation with me is my parents, who would pester me about being too thin, or too fat, never good enough. The people who are kind to me don't care what I weigh or what I look like, so I don't, either.

THIS THREAD WILL BE JUDGMENT FREE
All until last summer, when I met my ex boyfriend, the love of my life. It feels like he single-handedly cured my depression, which is impossible of course. But, he helped pull me back into my body, into a state where I can feel emotions and care about myself again. I'm still on medication, and sad about the break up, but I'm doing well, all things considered.

THIS THREAD WILL BE JUDGMENT FREE
Ever since that morning 4 years ago when my father started screaming at me for being, in his mind, a filthy fucking communist, and then threw me out of our home, I've was stuck in a chronic state of dissociation, during which I've exercised less and less and of course become fatter as a consequence.

THIS THREAD WILL BE JUDGMENT FREE
It's not like I haven't noticed my waistline getting bigger and bigger the longer my depression went, but still I was kinda surprised to see that my current weight is 113kg (250 pounds). When I went vegan 8 years ago I weighed 70kg, and went down to 63 for a bit, then up again to 75, which is the number I've since considered my "default".

THIS THREAD WILL BE JUDGMENT FREE
I.E. Don't at me with concerns, recommendations, or appeals to societal norms

I weighed myself on a bathroom scale today for the first time in probably 6, 7 years. I'm generally not interested in knowing my weight, but I visited at my friends house and she needed my help to troubleshoot her scales, so naturally after fiddling with it for a bit I stepped on it to see if it would work. And it does work now, so that's great!