programmers be like

I love programming but also fuck programming

exceptionally disappointed that theer is no "ASMR confessional", but there is many "ASMR exorcism"

mental note for future emacs rewrite typography is pretty important in present day

emmi deep lore (serious, sui mention) 

anyway if you are these people please talk to me, i know it's a distant possibility but ... gosh that would be magic healing

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emmi deep lore (serious, sui mention) 

and she noticed this girl persona and i brushed it off as a sort of sister or something, but she knew, and i knew, that it was me... i lost touch with her after a while, i wish i hadn't, i'm sorry we used slurs on irc that one time... i cry about that sometimes, i wish i had'nt be a 20 something boy.

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emmi deep lore (serious, sui mention) 

Shout out to my best friend tjf who came out as trans a few months before, and we were so close, and made me think things... and then i was going to wake up in the squat and kill myself by strangulation the next day, i had been obsessively fantasizing about it, but i had a dream where a femme version of me or my twin or my internal sister told me to live for her if not for myself. when i woke up i cried for a long time and told tjf about my dream

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emmi deep lore (serious, sui mention) 

i realized that i felt a sapphic emotion toward them, and queer spaces were new to me, and i was a dumbass 20 somethingn boy and didn't know how i felt and it sorta sucked

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emmi deep lore (serious, sui mention) 

later i needed her but i didn't know how to contact her, or how to ask people for help

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emmi deep lore (serious, sui mention) 

so first big shout out to the lesbian couple, one of whom was dating my girlfriend at the time's dad, and the nice afternoon we had in Connecticut when they where playing basket ball and tried to teach me to do it but i'm not good with my body. She was a football player too. She hugged me some months later and told me if i needed anything just ask when my gf was leaving and i was squatting in Staten Island,

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emmi deep lore (serious, sui mention) 

Was just thinking about when i was in Deep Egg mode in 2001 or so. I don't know who I was fooling since I'd been involved in the late pre-modern/early modern trans community on IRC and lambdamoo as an "admirer" and "pretend" for some years by that point (if you remember someone named __brad__ on IRC or pink_guest on LambdaMOO it was me). And thinking about the people who really changed my direction at the time...

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Queer Party!

A silly instance of Mastodon for queer folk and non-queer folk alike. Let's be friends!