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orchiectomy+, selfie, eye contact 

hallo I am elilla and this is the very last day of my entire life with testosterone-producing gonads :sparkles_trans:

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orchiectomy+, medical 

after a very stressful bureaucracy overload, interviews, having 4 bodily fluids examined, getting weak from blood drawing again, interviews, ultrasound, disclaimers, science contracts, a lot of getting by with poor German, and genital inspection, I'm ready to be cut out tomorrow :ablobcatrave:

they forgot some minor information, like when I'm supposed to be here and whether I'll go home in the same day (I asked the nurse, "6:30am" and "probably I guess?")

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elilla boosted

r/traa post, may contain sensitive content (without image description) 

We love our headpats more than anything redd.it/isfsqf

elilla boosted

Another thing I hate about having to sell my labor: the coerced dishonesty. Having to tell lies constantly just to be employable and keep a job is so horribly disgusting.

orchiectomy, misgendering, very bad 

look I'm happy to donate my testes to science. I really am. but if you're going to ask people who do feminising surgery for their tissue, you could at **least** use "Menschen" >__<

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orchiectomy, misgendering 

now getting the traditional misgendering after they saw my documents

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orchiectomy, difficulties 

now getting the traditional confusion and scepticism over deadname

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orchiectomy, difficulties 

had to register at the reception from 7:30, then be at the surgery department at 9. I optimistically aimed to arrive at 8, but made it to 8:15. there was a slow queue, then when my number was called the lady glanced at my paper and promptly sent me to Frau Such-and-Such to get a permit A38. She wasn't there and the guy there was v unamused at my poor communicative abilities. He sent me back to the queue for a copy of something.
I will be very late and I'm very nervous 😖

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orchiectomy, difficulties 

despite all my best efforts, got lost, am predictably late >.>

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eye contact, outfit of the day 

today's eye MU. just a discreet touch of sparkly pink 😌 :sparkles_pink:

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disaster 

is it bad that I reacted to the intro of this paragraph like ‘yes?’ x3

orchiectomy, graphic genitals disc, medical 

I have a condition called in German, quite poetically, das Sternenhimmelphänomen – the starry sky phenomenon. My testicles look on ultrasound like the infinite darkness of space, punctuated by countless shining stars (=microlithiasis). It's a poorly understood, mostly harmless condition, but thought to be associated with higher risk of germ cell cancer. So this surgery can also be considered preventive.

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orchiectomy, graphic genitals disc, anxious 

it's kind of a weird, unique feeling to touch a part of your body and think it will be gone in a day and half. they are softly aching right now; undoubtedly some psychosomatic mindfuckery or another.

testicles never were an erogenous zone for me, but neither were they dysphoric. they produce T, and _that_ makes me dysphoric. but the organs themselves are just kinda... there. getting on the way of panties, tucking, muffing, a bother more than a problem.

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a crucial part of orchiectomy 

pointedly ‘age-inappropriate’, bubblegum side of the wardrobe, no... trashy skimpy side, alas not today... ah, here, serious office lady slash professor librarian corner. lol this is by far my most limited palette, I need some new blazers or s/t x3

now let's try to preassemble an outfit for tomorrow that will limit how much doctors fail to take me seriously...

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1 year ago, I had the surreal experience of going to a conference in Tsukuba to watch a presenter place myself (correctly) in the Greimasian semiotics square.

most challenging part of orchiectomy 

I'll have to be in another city tomorrow at 8

and the next day at 7

for a latina with adhd, nothing is as hard as punctuality >.>

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clumsy but ends up being ok, selfie, eye contact 

gotta do laundry one last time before I'm incapacitated by surgery >
too tired to do laundry >
make up some tea >
spills tea on white top >
oh well there's still space for whites

asoiaf, metal 

half the afternoon crying at literally every Daenerys or Arya-themed song in my playlist ;-;

wish there was lyrics for "The Water Dance" (Seven Kingdoms) somewhere, I'd cry double if I could understand more than 50% of it

German acquisition 

wanna try to go back to the acquisition experiments, with reading this time.

so far I've read ~50% of «Die Herren von Winterfell». The ebook reader believes it would take me some 21 hours more to finish it, assuming the same speed. If I read 1h/day I should be done by early October then, except I'd rather go 1 chapter/day, but most chapters are about 1h anyway.

when I finish this I'll try the vocab test again and see if there were improvements.

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