orchiectomy, surgery anxiety 

day of preëxams and talks is friggin ~tomorrow~
day of ✂️🍒 is friggin ~two days~

hello I'm elilla and I'm very nervous how are you queers

most challenging part of orchiectomy 

I'll have to be in another city tomorrow at 8

and the next day at 7

for a latina with adhd, nothing is as hard as punctuality >.>

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a crucial part of orchiectomy 

pointedly ‘age-inappropriate’, bubblegum side of the wardrobe, no... trashy skimpy side, alas not today... ah, here, serious office lady slash professor librarian corner. lol this is by far my most limited palette, I need some new blazers or s/t x3

now let's try to preassemble an outfit for tomorrow that will limit how much doctors fail to take me seriously...

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orchiectomy, graphic genitals disc, anxious 

it's kind of a weird, unique feeling to touch a part of your body and think it will be gone in a day and half. they are softly aching right now; undoubtedly some psychosomatic mindfuckery or another.

testicles never were an erogenous zone for me, but neither were they dysphoric. they produce T, and _that_ makes me dysphoric. but the organs themselves are just kinda... there. getting on the way of panties, tucking, muffing, a bother more than a problem.

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orchiectomy, graphic genitals disc, medical 

I have a condition called in German, quite poetically, das Sternenhimmelphänomen – the starry sky phenomenon. My testicles look on ultrasound like the infinite darkness of space, punctuated by countless shining stars (=microlithiasis). It's a poorly understood, mostly harmless condition, but thought to be associated with higher risk of germ cell cancer. So this surgery can also be considered preventive.

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eye contact, outfit of the day 

today's eye MU. just a discreet touch of sparkly pink 😌 :sparkles_pink:

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orchiectomy, difficulties 

despite all my best efforts, got lost, am predictably late >.>

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orchiectomy, difficulties 

had to register at the reception from 7:30, then be at the surgery department at 9. I optimistically aimed to arrive at 8, but made it to 8:15. there was a slow queue, then when my number was called the lady glanced at my paper and promptly sent me to Frau Such-and-Such to get a permit A38. She wasn't there and the guy there was v unamused at my poor communicative abilities. He sent me back to the queue for a copy of something.
I will be very late and I'm very nervous 😖

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orchiectomy, difficulties 

now getting the traditional confusion and scepticism over deadname

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orchiectomy, misgendering 

now getting the traditional misgendering after they saw my documents

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orchiectomy, misgendering, very bad 

look I'm happy to donate my testes to science. I really am. but if you're going to ask people who do feminising surgery for their tissue, you could at **least** use "Menschen" >__<

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orchiectomy+, medical 

after a very stressful bureaucracy overload, interviews, having 4 bodily fluids examined, getting weak from blood drawing again, interviews, ultrasound, disclaimers, science contracts, a lot of getting by with poor German, and genital inspection, I'm ready to be cut out tomorrow :ablobcatrave:

they forgot some minor information, like when I'm supposed to be here and whether I'll go home in the same day (I asked the nurse, "6:30am" and "probably I guess?")

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orchiectomy+, selfie, eye contact 

hallo I am elilla and this is the very last day of my entire life with testosterone-producing gonads :sparkles_trans:

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orchiectomy, important questions 

what does one wear to surgery :thinknyan:

something easy to put on and off, right? since they'll prob slide you into a gown or s/t. and comfy to lie in bed, just in case. but also femme. a cardi in case I feel cold, tho it's very hot rn, so something fresh underneath. sleeveless top and soft skirt I think – easy access to arms and groin, in case that's required when I'm not in gown. slip-on flats. tight panties. claw hairclip, easy to remove. no MU or polish ;-;

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orchiectomy, srs, surgical details 

they just called from the hospital. doctor wanted to know why I want an orchi. Herr Doktor isn't it a bit too late to ask that 😅

I managed to blame cypro in German somehow. and to convey that I might want a vaginoplasty in the future. I don't know if I ever will, actually, but it costs nothing to preserve the material. this surgeon does grs too so he'll know the best place to cut (I hope).

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orchiectomy, srs, surgical details 

also I _think_ the registration doctor showed me a picture of inguinal orchiectomy when explaining what it will be like? I actually would like inguinal, I think. I mean what do I need my cords for? and it preserves all the skin, and the scars look rad 😌

but I think I must have misunderstood it—simple orchi is less impactful and easier to do, and from what I gathered it's the normal choice for trans ppl.

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orchiectomy, srs, surgical details 

though I'll be under full anesthesia & trans wiki says that's more typical of inguinal? :thonking: :spinner_think:

now I'm curious about what my surgery actually even is lol

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orchiectomy, planning problems 

frig forgot to remove nail polish lol

/me rubbing acetone at 3am

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orchiectomy, lil pagan prayer 

To destroy, to build up, to tear out and to settle are yours, Inanna. Nitah munus-ra munus nitah-ra ku⁴-ku⁴-de³ Inana za-kam: To turn male into female and female into male is yours, Inanna. Please grant me that this procedure transitions fully with no DHT spikes from adrenal androstenedione. Inana za-e mah-me-en za-e gur⁴-ra-me-en.

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orchiectomy, the day, purple prose 

when I left the sky was still black, shining with still unfamiliar Northern stars. Venus brightly promised life where none was thought to be. Birds and automatic lights startled me; I felt irrationally afraid of being robbed, assaulted, worst of all that it'd get me late.

I feel cleansed and exposed, and very alone when the time comes. but the care of all the ppl who supported me warms me from the inside, makes me brave. my back is still throughly gotten.

orchiectomy, the day, polyamory, silly 

‘but doctor ~why~ can't i invite 4 loves to hold my hands during the surgery T_T’

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orchiectomy, selfie, eye contact 

at least Ewa is allowed to get into the hospital with me 😌 tho not even she can come into the operating room...

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orchiectomy, plushies 

I'm in what must be my patient room. I'm glad my bed neighbour has a Minnie, Ewa will feel less alone this way 😌

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orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

I'm alive! ty everybody for your kind support!

they took me everywhere with kitty mask which i found hilarious :3

looks like it was simple after all & not inguinal!

cant type much rn, will write later

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orchiectomy+, done!! 

would v much enjoy doing a celebratory tattoo but totally out of ideas on what

"nut free" is too corny x3

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orchiectomy+, trans history 

> The [gallus] throws off her clothes, rushes to the center with a great shout and takes up a sword, which, I believe has stood there for this purpose for many years. She grabs it and immediately castrates herself. She rushes through the city holding in her hands the parts she cut off. She takes female clothing and women's adornment from whatever house she throws these parts into.
Lucianus,
De Dea Syria 50-51

nobody told me i could exchange them for outfits >:(

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sapphic trans history 

related:

"Women desire the Galli [transfeminine priestesses of Cybele] and the Galli go mad for a woman. Yet, no one is jealous, for they
consider the matter quite holy" (Lucianus, De Dea Syria 22).

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orchiectomy+, tattoo idea 

lesbian ex suggested an orchid and now I can't take the idea out of my mind 🙈🙈

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orchiectomy, recovery, medical 

got up to cross the room and whoa walking is ~really~ hard rn. not just pain, also got super dizzy very fast.

was supposed to go home today but if I don't get better I'll have to ask for an overnight stay...

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orchiectomy+ 

feeling super good and right at not having testicles :transdab: :trans_heart: :queer100:

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orchiectomy, recovery, vegan issues 

was starving, but when they at last brought food, it was animal bodies (T_T) I _did_ wrote down "vegan" in the entrance sheet... all I'm getting for the whole day is bread & margerine.

luckily good ol' vegan mistrust bade me to bring extra snacks, so my body should hang on till tomorrow. my body is never the point, tho; the meat meant for me will be thrown away, the increase in demand has already happened, more animals will suffer because of me. feeling sad.

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orchiectomy, recovery, selfie, plushies, eye contact 

these are our neigbours so Ewa isnt alone 😌 also a selfie of her supporting me

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orchiectomy+, medical details, gender consonance 

so I adjusted myself on bed to read and the external wrapping towels kind of slid off a bit

and my thighs were close together, and despite the bulk of the bandages it is very tangible how there's

nothing

between them

and it feels. so. right.
:blobmiou:

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orchid, genital joke, orchiectomy-adjacent 

should I get purple-haired trans people with penises and no testicles orchid :thinknyan:

source: commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/F

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orchid, genital joke, orchiectomy-adjacent 

look they're holding hands 👭 :purple_sparkling_heart:

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orchiectomy, tattoo idea, genitals 

so. this is a slipper orchid, Phragmipedium, from South America. the structure in the centre is a sterile mutation of a stamen, called a staminode, without anthers.

in animal terms it's a modified penis with no testicles :thinknyan: :thinknyan:

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orchiectomy, end of The Day, gratitude @ reader 

so it ends the first day of the rest of my life. I did toot quite a bit didn't I. I got so many interaction that it would be unwieldy to thank you one by one; but I was very anxious / in pain, and that every supportive comment, joke and lil star helped me take my head out of it and endure the challenges. you are my community and you make me feel safe and accepted. I love you all :blobtrans:

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orchiectomy, recovery, medical details, tmi, protip 

turns out that peeling off medical tape from freshly cut scrotal skin hurts quite a bit.

I'm really glad I shaved the whole area well the night before. I know the doctors would shave at least the incision area, but given how everything else has gone, I'm glad I did it myself, and thoroughly.

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orchiectomy, hormones 

hahahaha yeah folx about that 😅

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orchiectomy+, recovery, gender consonance, selfie, ec 

and back to the world of the living~

did you know it's possible to walk with your legs close together?

there's nothing between them

it feels so good :BlobCatBlush: :blobmelt:

(I mean rn walking feels very hard actually, but that part is goood :sparkles_trans:)

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orchiectomy, recovery, selfie, ec, gf, plushie, facemask 

gf hired a new nurse for me to cuddle into recovery! this is Schnabeltierchen (they/them)

and her sister sent me a card and a cute mask as get well gifts 😌

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orchiectomy+ 

holy friggin lady I have no T gonads anymore, forever :surprised_pikachu:

this is like for real wow. it's painfully real. literally – the pain dispels the feeling that it must be a dream or a story :blobcatsurprised:

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orchiectomy recovery, medical detail, tmi 

documenting this cause I know it matters to some of you:

2 days after surgery and I few basically no pain, didn't even take a painkiller today. scrotum and whole inguinal canals are swollen, and it makes it uncomfortable to move, but not really painful. slept with ice pack and it helped.

wound seems good as healed, I put a new bandage just to be sure but I bet it would be ok without already.

had no stomach issues or anything. everything's fine 😊

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orchiectomy recovery, jab at American units 

before surgery I was listening to a podcast about orchi, and the doctor was discussing recovery, and he said not to lift more than one gallon of milk. the absurdity of this got me laughing cause—not only is "gallon" funny in itself but it's a measure of volume? why "milk" as a reference vol/weight standard? does one compare all household objects to arbitrary milk volumes. I had to research the density just to find out how much that weights (≈3.921kg)

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orchiectomy, plushies 

@elilla All the best, wishing for you a successful outcome!

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@elilla Woohoo! ***hughughug***

(Mine will be more complex, as one decided it was fine staying where it grew up, which is *so* not like me)

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@porsupah wishing u the best too 👭

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@porsupah wishing u the best too 👭

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@elilla Congrats! :)

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@elilla
I'm glad it went so well! I hope you have a very speedy recovery.

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@elilla Weeee, glad it went well :)

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@elilla Don't suppose you'll be able to take the trophies back home in a pickling jar? ^_^

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@porsupah donated both to science! each for a separated project 😌

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@elilla yay 🎉

orchiectomy+, done!!, ec 

@elilla Congratulations!

re: orchiectomy+, done!! 

@elilla "I've lost my marbles" ?? >_>

orchiectomy+, trans history 

@elilla Hell yeah! What do I get for the whole works? I could go on a wild spree at Crisiswear. =:D

orchiectomy+, trans history 

@elilla I'm all for trans women getting gift cards for some nice clothing stores with their orchiectomies

orchiectomy, recovery, medical 

@elilla eep! I can imagine.. hopefully that won't be a problem, if you think an overnight stay would be a good idea?

orchiectomy, recovery, medical 

@porsupah I think not! they said I'd be sent home "if you're feeling well", which isn't the case when I get up.

and apparently if they don't host you, you're entitled to charge the Krankenkasse for taxi home at least.

the issue is that the doctor visitation is taking a really long time, so I'm still in the dark about everything...

orchiectomy, recovery, medical 

@elilla
Better safe than sorry.

Also this way you can make sure that should any complications arise, they'll be treated right away.

orchiectomy, horrible pun 

@elilla

:blobcatthink: I think I got an idea for an ad for this kind of op.

Showing someone - a trans woman, or a doctor maybe? - pointing at the reader in an Uncle Sam style.

Text reads: "Orchiectomy. Have you got the balls?"

(I'll show myself out :blobcatpeek: )

orchiectomy, recovery, vegan issues 

@elilla you did your best, it's not your fault :blobheart:

orchiectomy, recovery, vegan issues 

@elilla That's not on you, it's someone else's demand, someone else's mistake.
Hope someone can bring you something protein-ey though for your recovery. :/

orchiectomy, recovery, vegan feels 

@cathal right, but the pigs still suffer the same 😔 I sent some euros to a farm animal shelter to try and offset it, but I'm depressed that animal abuse will not stop with boycotts and shelters and donations, will not stop as long as we have capitalism. the sheer scale and brutality of it is something that never fails to make me feel overwhelmed and powerless...

also isn't processed meat a group 1 carcinogen, why is that on hospitals anyway >.>

orchiectomy, recovery, selfie, plushies, eye contact 

@elilla sending good healing thoughts to you! ✨😊

orchiectomy+, recovery, gender consonance, selfie, ec 

@elilla
I'm still so incredibly happy for you!

orchiectomy+, recovery, gender consonance, selfie, ec 

@elilla
yay!

orchiectomy+ 

@elilla
Suddenly me getting squeamish about my vasectomy a few years back makes me feel like a blubbering baby.

Hold your head high; you've been brave AF.

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