dargi_dargon @dargi_dargon@queer.party

they discontinued my ketchup

have you taken to self-defining with labels ending in "-mbo"? congratulations! I have a job opportunity to discuss with you!

my babbu finally got upgraded to a big kid bed

back in my day, belching the alphabet was a fine thing to have as a passionate side hobby!

brb gotta chase this pack of giggling thembos off my lawn

hey, everyone! welcome to the debut of my new album, "Eat Shit, Die Young, Be Free"! before we start the show proper, i just wanted to help get everyone warmed up for the sing-a-long parts of the set, so let's all shriek in unison for approximately 45 minutes...

no punch line

me, clicking my heels together three times: what are the goddamn words again..

you: THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY CLOSET

me, in yr kitchen, stealing yr peppers: *steals peppers*

u: WHAT THE HELL ARE U DOING IN MY HOUSE

me, whispering: spicy hot take *throws a smoke bomb on the floor*

me, remembering that thing I did ten years ago in front of those people I haven't interacted with since: *breaks out into a cold sweat, overcome with a sense of mortification*

back in my day we didn't have none o' these fancy LED strips and curved TVs and you could share 6 blunts and a bag of questionably-sourced ecstasy with 30 strangers at a seedy basement party in a mostly gutted abandoned house and experience no ill effects

himbo paratroopers are having syncronized gender-neutral sex education classes in Your Town's airspace?

it's more likely than you think

I'm imagining myself as an American stand up comic in europe, just doing deadpan stand up about how absurd America is and how scarred I am having grown up there

tfw yr country's legacy is weaponized greed

this graffiti brought to you by local catgirl union 204

sure, a billionaire lies about their product and it's just their "business savvy", but when I do it I'm "sowing social unrest and instigating insurrection"

my fancy lemonade stand outside the Wells Fargo has been shut down. although customers enjoyed the fine glass bottles my product came in, there were complaints about these bottles only being partially filled, complaints about the contents of these bottles smelling suspiciously like grain alcohol, and finally, complaints about my patented recycled cloth bottle capping system. some of these complaints even suggested that our product "wasn't actually lemonade at all."

Dimbo: daddy himbo

turns out letting people lead happy, fulfilled lives is just to gosh darn too expensive

me, climbing into the empty cryogenic tank next to Walt disney, to the techs nearby: wake me up in time to run in the 69th presidential election