what if... I just sorta.. threaten all my coworkers with bodily harm unless they bend to my whims

I wonder what dumb straight things the filthy heteros will spew today

I could hope that today my coworkers won't be shitheads, but I only bet on sure things

maybe I need to start working out and playing guitar after work every day

feels like I get very little opportunity to do nothing

who says dadism is dead? I've got some stock photos with bottom text to show those fools

management: it's fine if we sell people signs made with copyrighted or trademarked art

me: uhh, actually it's not? you're literally stealing art from artists and making money off it.

management: nah, it's fine, who'll ever find out we didn't pay for a licence to use this copywrited or trademarked art that we definitely do not own or have license to use on a for profit basis.

me: ... uh... the people who own the art?

me: *takes two days off work surrounding my bday*

everyone at work: hey we need you to do this difficult order before your vaycay, even though it isn't due until after you get back

me: if it's not due until after I get back, what's the rush?

literally everyone: we... didn't know you were taking time off, and we promised the order would be done before the due date, and nobody else in production knows how to do the thing

me: so, just... fuck me, I guess?

me: *strangling a coworker*

them, strangledly: why are you choking me?!


wouldn't you know I just want to murder most of my coworkers, the little beasts

ahh yes that new glasses dizziness while my brain adjusts

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