Everything online about catatonia is about what it looks like to doctors and strangers, from the outside.
If I google “what does catatonia feel like?” I get a bunch of articles about how it’s diagnosed. :/
For a long time I didn't realise this was catatonic episodes. I thought it was ~autistic shutdown~ or that they might be the same thing.
I am still really not sure what autistic shutdown is! There's this comic though: https://introvertdoodles.com/comic/shutdown/ Shutdown seems... less unpleasant?
I blogged it because it’s long and it should be googleable. CMB. http://cassolotl.tumblr.com/post/182641753640
@cassolotl I get much the same thing, almost always stress triggered
I've found when the vocal subroutines crap out I can still write things down on paper or switch to a language I only half know
@troubleMoney Yeah, sometimes I can still write. But sometimes I can only write the things I can say, and I can't write the things I can't say. I haven't worked out the pattern for identifying the things I still have access to yet.
@troubleMoney Like, being non-verbal is for me quite a different thing from being catatonic. It's just that catatonia often starts with words going, but I think that's just a coincidence! And non-verbal is totally fine, because I can just write things down. One day I hope to learn BSL so I can talk without my mouth.
@cassolotl I have shutdowns and yes what you have described sounds much more unpleasant. I really relate to a lot of what you said, but just not to that extent. Kinda like a more mild version. I can power through a shutdown if I have to (but I'll probably pay for it later with a panic attack). Definitely stress- and set off by being overwhelmed.
@Cyannin Yeah, it's like, with catatonia you either remove yourself from the situation or it gets worse and doesn't stop, and you don't really have any control or choice except to escape from the situation before you're unable to move! So if you can power through an autistic shutdown, even with delayed negative results, it does sound a bit different in that way.
Anyway, that makes sense! Thank you for sharing. :)
@cassolotl a lot of this up to 5 is very similar to how migraine onset affects me, which I've been told unofficially is probably some kind of non-epileptic seizure (there are definite differences along the way and i jump from 5 to 7 because the of the pain but wow, there really are similarities )
@LazyTechsupport Oh wow that is interesting, also your migraines sound hellish! D:
@cassolotl they're a whole basket of no-fun and I'd say the same for your episodes, stay safe Cas <3
@LazyTechsupport I'll do my best! You too. :)
long response about my experience of catatonia Show more
long response about my experience of catatonia Show more
long response about my experience of catatonia Show more
re: long response about my experience of catatonia Show more
re: long response about my experience of catatonia Show more
What it feels like to me (and it’s different for everyone, sometimes very different), in approx order:
1) I start to lose words. I know what I want to say but I can’t say the words. Maybe I am hungry, and I have to try to say it in different ways before I find a way that works.