Pinned toot

closeted trans prayer 

give me the strength to wear this armor

asking for advice on self teaching 

whatever insight you've got, really. i struggle with establishing what i'm trying to learn, how i'm going to learn it, and then doing the learning. like, the whole thing i guess?

you can't choose where you're born. the family, the locale, any of it. it's such a basic truth and so wrong to take advantage of.

mh~, relationship 

it's very strange to have scraps of an old life rearranged into a new one. a coaster from a restaurant we used to go to, sitting in the back of a drawer. the end table that sat on my side of the bed, tucked under my desk now. i would love to trash it all and start over completely. replace every little thing from the time we were together. but that's like, almost everything i own.

tried to do something with a sudden surge of -tearing ass out of the parking lot whilst blasting rtj energy- and ended up sitting on the porch looking at my phone? what is early am for,

it feels really good to fix things, like making some busted mechanism work gives me the same kind of satisfaction as sitting in my room on a friday night bashing out basic programs in 97

alternatives to the male/female dichotomy in manufactured connectors

plug/socket
internally threaded/externally threaded
fitting/pipe or tube
pins/holes

one thing i don't have words for are the two kinds of pins in molex connectors. like, they're both pins i think? and i've worked with molex where the plugs had one kind in one case and the other...the other, so you couldn't just assume that a plug would have the same every time. i dunno.

external pin/internal pin?

work, mh~ 

this should be motivation to get some tasks finished so i have time for extracurriculars but hahahaha ah lolmaofl fuck eesh

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work, mh~ 

full of energy to Do Things and at work, a frequent mood. gotta figure out a way to steal company time for my own purposes,

coworker and i have adopted mimicking throwing dice as a joke and explanation of how we fixed something. i think it will always be relevant -- my guesses get more educated, but they are still guesses.

kinda seems like we've lost federation for a bit?

food 

hyped for my new jar of mayo, like i'm genuinely excited to go downstairs and make dinner just for that

transfem coping 

leaving my sports bra on while i shave my face really helps with the dysphoria actually

mh-, autonomy 

i'm finding there's typically a period of loneliness and frustration before i start doing something. like, i have to just suffer for a bit without distractions first? it didn't used to be this consistent.

annoyed with glimpse so i'm trying krita i guess

does anyone else scrape their feet a few times so they don't surprise someone when walking behind? like, when it might seem threatening to walk quietly?

really feeling the lack of queer gathering places

this is one of those nights i would drive to see someone, sit outside, talk about life. maybe i'll go for a drive or something.

stirring awake to discover that reality is much less interesting and much more depressing than my dreams, and that i can't just go back. that i live here.

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