Mx. Thea Barnes @TheaTheBard@queer.party

I'm so tired of being alive.

Ugh, I'm still having a mixed episode and it's hitting that weird point where I start wishing I could do nothing but suck dick all day. I don't entirely know why I want that specifically, but it always happens when I'm manic or mixed. I get obsessed with cock, and start getting irritable when I don't get it. It's not even entirely a sexual thing, if that makes any sense, it's like comforting in a way? I don't know how to explain it.

I'm falling apart and I feel like I have no support. Medicaid still won't give me my antipsychotic and it's really fucking me up (I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features). I can't function and I wish I was dead.

My doctor changed my meds but my insurance refuses to cover the new ones, so now I'm unmedicated and #manic and it sucks

So I really thought my next open source project would be a #KDE app, but as it turns out, it's a #RaspberryPi app for the Waveshare e-paper displays.

I used to hate IDEs, but the JetBrains ones have really grown on me, especially PyCharm

I'm so scared, I might be homeless in less than two weeks. Worse, my non-verbal son is losing the only home he's ever known. I don't know how to handle this, and I'm terrified. I'm at peace with losing my home, but I can't imagine how my son will survive if we can't find a new place and end up on the street.

also thinking about how the "expert sex change" joke from way back when always filled me with secret envy of anyone who could actually transition.

thinking about how it took me until I was 34 to transition despite the fact that I can remember knowing I wasn't a boy as early as 5. I spent most of my life knowing I wanted to transition but seeing it as something I could never do. I bought into the idea that only rich people could afford it.

The silver lining is that as trans kids are being able to come out earlier, we'll see less and less of that.

It's scary how common "woke leftist trans person who used to be a Nazi when they were still in the closet" is, though I understand why it's so common. Living in the closet does things to you. You grow idolizing people who get to live as your true gender, but that idolization can get twisted into jealousy. You start to hate people who get to live as your real gender, because why should they get to and you don't? That kind of jealousy leads to all sorts of toxic shit.

kinda freaking out, I lose my home in a little over two weeks and I won't get my student aid until after that

My partner just told me she was molested by an older man when she was a kid. She'd never told anyone before now. She can't remember who the man was, she thinks possibly the principal of the Christian school she went to.

Happy 30th birthday to Linux!

https://www.linux.com/news/happy-30th-linux/

My girlfriend just took the last of one of her seizure meds, we still need $80 to get more, please help! #MutualAid #MutualAidRequest
https://paypal.me/tsbarnes

My girlfriend needs her medication for her seizures again, and we're broke until the middle of September, if you can spare $80 (or even just a few dollars towards it) I'd really appreciate it #MutualAid https://ko-fi.com/theabarnes

Kirigami email app when?

broke: making my gender identity a big deal
woke: making the fact that I use KDE a big deal