Pinned toot

Long-winded #introduction 

Better rip off the old band-aid so people don't think I'm a poorly written bot.

I'm Al. I'm an old school bisexual, just because they didn't have the word "pan" back when we were driving our hot rods to the malt shop and getting an egg cream for a dime.

I love indie comic books, comedy and cooking. My TV is always blaring something, since otherwise I get lonely.

I'm as broken as everybody else and my coping strategies are pretty terrible, but I make do.

Trying to explain dependency injection to my junior developers is probably the closest thing I'll ever feel to teaching someone where my clitoris is.

Global Gallows Humor 

We have Nazis running the White House, melting the earth and shutting down health services...
A pandemic battering society...
The economy crashing as we try and minimize the losses...
And now a fucking asteroid is heading towards earth?

Alright, fine. You win this one, Lord. I'll stop sucking dick if you will just RELAX.

I made my partner a birthday gift, and I'm real dang proud. She's a DM, so I had some teeny-tiny polyhedral dice 3D printed, dyed the 3 sets the pan pride colors*, and stuffed them in a faux-antique glass vial pendant.

*Okay, as close as I could get. Y'all, plastic dying is hard.

Sometimes I feel like my real contributions at work aren't appreciated. I mean which test data would you rather see?

A) Username: "Username",
FirstName: "UserFirst",
LastName: "UserLast"

B: Username: "JBeez",
FirstName: "Jonathan",
LastName: "A Literal Cloud Of Bees"

How many times do you throw a lone sock back into the laundry before giving up on it finding its mate?

Well guess who's got eight thumbs and just got a month of workers' comp from the cloning facility


I decided to try my hand at making a childhood dish for our work potluck. I didn't have a recipe, just a vague description.

It took 4 hours to make. I love freestyling in the kitchen, but this was like a four hour long jazz solo where I couldn't check if I'd hit "record" until it was over. It was a close call once I had to improvise a bechamel.

Alvaro :heart_pan: boosted

If catch-22 is so good why isn't there a catch-23?

Angry Book Ramblings: The Three Beths (Spoilers, CW: Murder) 

"I met your mother in law today, she let me sleep on your dead wife's childhood bed." Now he'd know I was serious about this investigation, and not just some random, crazed stranger.
(Uuuh... what?)

So many movies and TV shows these days had loved ones envisioning their lost loves as guiding spirits, helping them past the pain, like Craig saw Beth now.
(Did... Did your editor have to remove a link to TV Tropes from your manuscript?)

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Book Musings: The Three Beths 

An unbelievably stupid premise leads to a deeply unsatisfying ending with even less satisfying twists. Every character seems wholly unbelievable, with some seriously bonkers dialogue and internal monologues. Also I'm no mystery expert, but you can't have every character cock a gun, look in a mirror and declare out loud to themselves that no one will ever learn their dark secret.

Hey, my beautiful babies. A local theatre is live-streaming their production of a play called TRANSom, created by an all trans/non-binary ensemble, about a "found family" living in one home at 5 CDT today.


I found some wonderful ice cream sandwiches at the Asian grocer. They're waffles shaped like a cob of corn, with a chocolate-coated layer of corn ice cream in the middle. It also has pieces of sweet corn in it (which are super good frozen, like little corn candies,) as well as little bits of mochi.

🎶I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
Takeeeeeen: I have a particular set of skiiiills🎶

This does help explain why Jughead Jones can access the speed force.

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Okay, okay, okay... I think I figured out how Riverdale happened. An intern at The CW tripped on the way from the copiers and all their pages mixed up, but they already got the college credit and it was their last week, so they said, "fuck it."

*aims crossbow*
"Say goodbye, dad."
"You should know... Your mother and I are getting divorced."
"But... I thought out family would be together forever."
"Anyhow, time to join this goblin cult."
*cue musical number*

Alvaro :heart_pan: boosted

The Matrix is unrealistic because it's a movie where a black man and a woman tell a straight white man that everything he knows is wrong, and he just accepts that.

New tin can with a string tied to it, who dis?

Book Musings: The Nymphos of Rocky Flats 

Boy howdy... I grabbed this as an acquantaince was moving, thinking, based of the cover, that it would be like a sleazy version of Dresden Files or like a classier version of Sandman Slim. I wasn't exactly wrong, but the book is way less raunchy than the title imples. It's a fun first attempt at a book, but it definitely comes off as amateurish. A little mysogynist, a little nonsensical, an incompetent main character and tons of deus ex machina.

I got a bunch of second hand books due to my partner's friend moving. I started one with an atrociously trashy cover and it has not disappointed.

Like 50 pages in the lead character, a hard-boiled private detective, war veteran and, oh right, vampire gets into a literal fight with a raccoon.

And loses.

Book Musings: Where The Crawdads Sing 

Just... fantastic. So many wonderful things wrapped up in one package. A tragic story of a terrible childhood. Quite possible the most believable, wonderful romance I've ever read. And all with a sprinkling of murder mystery, which just gets better and better as you learn about the people involved.

Absolute delight.

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A silly instance of Mastodon for queer folk and non-queer folk alike. Let's be friends!