“Sir, that's my emotional support homophobic slur”

It's their favourite bit of the song. Watch the joy on their face when they sing it. It's like ‘five goo-oooold riiiiings’.

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As every year, I offer the replacement ‘cheap lousy BRAGGART’ which both rhymes and can similarly be belted out, and nobody innocent has to feel targeted by it.

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@FuchsiaShock There's a version where Kirsty sang "you're cheap and you're haggard" that someone shared the other day in one of the many many twitter arguments over the song

@wolfie @FuchsiaShock this has been posthumously edited into the version Radio 1 will be playing this year, I'm told.

@Vordus @FuchsiaShock oh excellent, that's much better than just beeping or muting an offensive word, as it doesn't draw any attention to itself and stops being offensive!

@wolfie @FuchsiaShock next job; come up with a way that makes Baby It's Cold Outside seem less gross and manipulative.

@FuchsiaShock I once heard "you've taped over Taggart" as a proposed replacement and that's probably my favourite.

@Jo @FuchsiaShock
You scumbag you pillock
Our lives aren't idyllic

@maeve @Jo @FuchsiaShock Ya scumbag, ya fecker
Ted Danson was 'Becker'

Wait, no, doesn't quite work.

@FuchsiaShock @Vordus @Jo
You scumbag you corncob
Stop playing as Oddjob

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