Also, we had created a culture of asking for pronouns but not actually respecting them (which is worse). I've had pronouns asked and if I didn't reply I just got assumed to be she/her (even when my partner uses they/them for me) and the time I did tell my pronouns they just went back to calling me "she" anyway. Same thing happens to my girlfriend, people will ask her pronouns and after she tells them, they misgender her.
And I think the only way pronoun circles can be helpful to anyone is if cis allies who are fine with "they/them" pronouns said those instead of the assumed binary pronoun. That way a closeted trans person could say "they/them" and not out themselves.
Or alternatively, if someone doesn't say pronouns don't get mad at them and just use they/them until they say otherwise.
Otherwise, cis people say their pronouns and the trans person skips, and everyone just misgenders them anyway
And by that I mean, it is super unrealistic to just never misgender anyone if you don't use they/them by default for people and if you only rely on asking for pronouns before you ever talk about anyone. If you see a cool Goth outside, are you gonna come up and ask their pronouns before you can tell your friend "wow I saw a really cool Goth today, xe had a black bat dress"? If you don't know someone well it could even be rude to ask for pronouns in the first place.
I hate how people think that they/them is a "nonbinary pronoun", like first of all anyone can use any pronouns but also if we are truly committed to not just randomly assuming gender a lot more binary (and especially cis) people are gonna have to be ok with they/them (or another neutral pronoun if something else gets popular)
More focus needs to be put on consent and comfort, without those sex positivity cannot exist because it is just coercion. Not wanting to have sex or wanting to have sex with only one person isn't shameful, and shaming people for that is anti-consent.
Discussions about sex and purity culture are very America-centric, most normal counties are pretty accepting of sex but the bad type of "sex positivity" (sex is great and everyone has to have sex or be exposed to sex and if you don't like it you're a prude) seeps into other countries and since we didn't have a purity culture problem it just makes things worse (like getting made fun of for not wanting to have sex at 13, being pressured and coerced by society)
anyway, please give to Shane's gofundme for his hospital expenses if you can https://www.gofundme.com/f/shanes-hospital-expenses
Genital hot take, sex, mutilation
It's like if we went around saying "people with clitorises and people with scrotums" and then left the penis out of diagrams or left it unlabelled. Then people would touch the scrotum only during sex and get upset that their partner can't orgasm just with that. If someone was born with a penis that was a bit too big we would just remove the whole penis to make them "normal" again.
Genital hot take, injury
I just really don't like the erasure of the clitoris and I feel like it contributes to a lot of sexist shit that harms people. This leads to uncomfortable and bad sexual experiences for people with a clitoris who don't have access to information about their bodies and feelings of shame and like they are the problem. Lack of knowledge of clitoral anatomy can leave people with a lack of sensation after pelvic surgery because they accidentally damaged it.
Genital hot take
Vagina is not the equivalent of a penis. The clitoris is. The focus on the vagina is a weird sexist heteronormative thing, the clitoris is the primary sexual organ and the direct equivalent of the penis. Vaginas are cool but the focus on them being "the whole genital" that some people have is weird and I really don't like it tbh.
The whole point of this thread was to say that just because we experience unique things, it doesn't mean that one group is oppressing the other. I also wanted to bring up some things specific to people with the organs associated with afab people (obviously not 100%) that no one talks about. I think it's important to acknowledge how complex transphobia is and that you can't just simply add identities together to figure out how opressed someone is - it's intersectional and complex.
I have seen trans women call people on periods emotional, talk about how proud they are of having the "superior" genitals, and literally call people with a uterus "breeders" etc. None of this means that all trans women are bad obviously, there's shitty people in every group. I'm only bringing this up to show that it doesn't only go one way - all trans people can be shitty to each other.
The reason I defined that term is to talk about this next thing. Some trans people are shitty to other types of trans people - I have no doubt that some trans men are shitty to some trans women and take advantage of the specific things trans women experience. However, this also works the other way around. Here on mastodon, I've seen so much sex-misogyny coming from trans people that to be honest, I don't feel this to be a welcoming place for me.
Transphobia, sexual assault, genital mention
* saying people on periods are "emotional"
* gaslighting people into thinking something is wrong with them for not being able to orgasm from PIV
* lack of study on diseases related to the uterus
* treating people with a uterus as baby making machines
And there are so many more but you get the point
Transphobia, sexual assault, genital mention
Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:
* denying abortions
* calling vulvas "weak"
* erasure of the clitoris being the main organ, acting like the whole genital is the vagina
* acting like these genitals are a "lack" of a dick
* shaming people for having normal functions like discharge or bleaching underwear
* insisting on PIV sex (pressuring a lot of the time) despite the main sex organ being the clitoris
And I have also experienced misogyny, and misogyny specific to people with "female" reproductive organs. I haven't heard of a specific word to describe that type of misogyny so I am going to refer to it as sex-misogyny since it is specific for people in a certain sex group. Many different people can experience it, it isn't specific to assigned gender, but it obviously does have a correlation.
Intersectionality doesn't mean just adding things together - you don't just add trans + woman and get the sum of those opressions. It is much more complex than that. The experience of misogyny gets especially complex when you add transness to it - being a trans man isn't just male privilege + transphobia. It's more complex. I can say that I have never experienced male privilege. I can also say that I have experienced shit that is pretty specific to trans men.
If you think trans men face less violence, why do you think that? A lot of people act like this is just a fact, when this is really not. It is just the same erasure we have been facing for a very long time.
Different trans people have different experiences. Just because more trans women experience something than trans men, doesn't mean their opression is automatically worse. There are plenty of things that mostly only trans men experience too.
I was keeping quiet about this but I don't think I can be quiet any longer. I am sick of the misconception that trans men and afab trans people are somehow "less opressed" than amab trans people. It's just perpetuating the silencing and erasure that has been happening to trans men for ages. Trans men actually experience more of some types of violence than trans women. Our opression can look different, but it doesn't mean one is worse than the other.
meta, in depth discussion of csa, consent and later trauma
one last thing im gonna say about this because of the specifics of this situation: children do not have the emotional ability to properly comprehend what they are consenting to when they are offered sex by an adult. many children who are assaulted think they have consented and dont realise until many years later, when the psychological damage has already been done, that they were not able to consent. an adult having sex with a child is assault EVEN IF THEY ASK FIRST, and children who thought they were consenting have every right to feel assaulted afterwards because they were
I am a 22 year old guy from a planet with no gender. I love my girlfriend, like plants, cats, art, making clothes and hate gender.
Feel free to follow request :)
A silly instance of Mastodon for queer folk and non-queer folk alike. Let's be friends!